It’s usually the husband or the male who makes a distinction between emotional and physical cheating. Most wives see emotional infidelity as every bit as hurtful and damaging as an physical affair. In fact, many see it as worse. Because you can often justify a physical betrayal as not really meaning anything or as being a one time thing. But emotional infidelity often cuts much deeper.

Women value emotional closeness, I believe, more than anything else. They want to feel as though there is something special about them which makes their husband feel safe and to want to share his inner most feelings. So, when he does this with someone else, even if nothing sexual has yet happened, it can feel like the ultimate betrayal.

And, it’s often the husband’s insistence that he hasn’t crossed any line that makes this more difficult to over come or to stop. He’ll insist that they are just friends and that there is nothing physical between them. And, it’s often difficult to make him understand that it needs to stop just the same. The following article will discuss how to put an end to your husband’s emotional affair.

Making Him Understand That This Is Not Only Inappropriate, But A Serious Problem: Again, your biggest initial hurdle is going to be to make him admit or understand that this is a problem. Because, at least initially, men will often downplay this and act as though you are seriously paranoid or overreaching. Sure, they’re just friends and perhaps they work together and are even encouraged to work closely, but that doesn’t make this right and doesn’t mean that it hurts you any less.

Simply put, a spouse should get both his or her emotional and physical needs met by his or her own spouse. Substituting a coworker or friend for these things is seriously inappropriate and extremely damaging. But, how do you make him understand this? Well, this is tricky. Because you don’t want to give ultimatums or to nag so that he can further justify spending less time with you or blocking you out. Further, his “friend” will likely become even more attractive the more you push or draw out negative emotions.

So, you want to be as calm as you can when you bring this up, but bring it up you must. To fix this issue, you must identify it and to lay your cards on the table. You don’t have to be ugly about this, but you must make him understand that this is hurtful, it is inappropriate, and it must stop. At a time when you are both calm, tell him that you’re hurt and upset by the emotional closeness that you are witnessing between him and her. Ask that he not interrupt you, but to just listen. Tell him that you need to and want to be the one with whom he shares his troubles, thoughts, and feelings. Ask him how he would feel if you were getting a similar pay off or connection from a male coworker or friend. (If you have a similar relationship, you also must end it.) Stress that this hurts and troubles you every bit as much as a physical relationship and that you would like for him to respect your feelings, as you would do the same for him.

Understand that you will likely get some resistance. It’s pretty unlikely that he’s just going to admit everything that you’ve alluded to and then to say “OK, I’ll completely banish her from my life,” but if you make it very clear that it hurts you and that you can and will fill that void for him, many men will at least agree to back off. If he doesn’t, tell him that you consider this infidelity and will proceed as though it is. Define exactly what you want and need for him to do. This will often be to limit his contact with her, ask for a transfer at work, and to make it very clear to her that their relationship is going to be strictly platonic or work related because he’s putting you, your needs, and your marriage, first.

Restoring The Emotional Closeness In Your Marriage Or In Your Relationship To Safeguard Against The Emotional Cheating: Getting her out of your (and his) life is really only the first step. To feel complete and to have a fulfilling marriage that isn’t vulnerable to this happening again, you must restore both the physical and emotional intimacy between you. Because often the physical intimacy is a reflection of the emotional intimacy and vice verse. (However, she must be gone for you to have a chance to really do this.) Identify where your problem areas are and vow to work on them after you’ve restored the healthy give and take that your relationship used to enjoy. Why am I telling you to wait to address your problems?

Because you don’t want or need the added pressure of dealing with too many things at once. You want to be emotionally connected again so that any difficult issues will be easier to navigate. Right now, you should just be focusing on having light, positive experiences together. Don’t place too much pressure on yourself so that this feels awkward or forced. Set it up so that it comes easily for both of you. If you’re married, then you probably have a lengthy relationship with your spouse and you can identify what has worked for you and what hasn’t. Go back to those places and situations where things fall together easily and you’re both smiling or laughing.

Because if you can get back to this place, chances are that both of you will be getting more of your needs met where they should be met (with each other) so that neither of you will need to look elsewhere. This shouldn’t feel forced, but it must happen. You can’t just hope that this will take care of itself. You have to make your marriage (and restoring both the emotional and physical feelings between you) your highest priority.

I know that things may seem difficult right now, but do not give up. Doing this work can really be worth it. Although I never would’ve believed this two years ago, my marriage is stronger than ever after my husband’s affair. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth what I put into it. Because of all the work I did on myself, my self esteem is at an all time high. I know longer worry my husband will cheat again. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com/